well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
