Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
