Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
