but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize