i need an iv and a liver transplant
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
