Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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