Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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