If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
