drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
