PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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