so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
