you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
