she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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