I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
