He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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