this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
