Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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