Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize