There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
