I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
