Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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