Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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