it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
