I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
