We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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