Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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