you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
