look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize