someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
