So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
