Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
