white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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