i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
