Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
