It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
