Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize