those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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