Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
