it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize