i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
