I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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