Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
