Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
