We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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