PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
