he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
