Yo dont text me then not text me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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