Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
