wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
