So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
