how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize