did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
