I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
