More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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