I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
