I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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