flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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