Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
