Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
