420 ftw
i may or may not be watching the land before time
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was like giving head to a cactus.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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