You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
