he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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