HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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