So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
