Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
