this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sext me about skeletons
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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