Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
