they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
