No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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