I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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