I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
