hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
