I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
