He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
