Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
