i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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