cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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