I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize