do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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