You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
