This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
