You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
