i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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