No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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