she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
