It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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