this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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