He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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