Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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