Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
