If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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