What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
