is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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