Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
