Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
