It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
