it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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