Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
